Interview with the ball player

I recently interviewed a friend of mine who plays high school sports. Some of his answers are downright shocking.
His name is Chase. Actually his real name is Chasin (I wish I had a cool name like that). In case the name didn't hint at it directly enough, Chase is among the most popular guys at my high school. He is six foot, one hundred sixty five pounds of athletic prowess. He drives a '57 Bel-Air with a 454 engine (whatever that is). He dates a cheerleader and dresses snappy. In other words he is the complete opposite of yours truly, since I'm the proverbial loser that pitches social shutouts. I suppose we are bipolar buddies or something like that. Anyway, we're both seniors and we both love sports, so I thought he was the perfect candidate for an interview.

Recently, Chase's football season ended after the team failed to reach the playoffs. Excluding a semester of track left ahead, Chase has completed his athletic career at high school. I thought it would be a good idea to ask him some questions about school sports to provide some insight into the teenage sports mind.

The interview took place Tuesday afternoon, December 3, 2002, after a physiology test. Chase could have been mingling with his girl or acting cool in class, but I was able to snag him away to ask some questions. Am I fortunate or what? One of the coolest guys at school spending time with me. Warms up your heart doesn't it?

Anyway, here's the interview (I have to warn you, this is high school so the interview is a bit edgy).

Q: What sports did you play varsity?

A: Basketball, football, volleyball and track.

-- Well diversified. You have to like that.

Q: What was your favorite sport and why?

A: Volleyball because I love to jump high and I love leaving "Spalding" backwards on people's foreheads.

-- "That's pretty cocky," I think to myself.

Q: Was there ever a truly sad, funny, embarrassing or happy moment?

A: When my teammate popped a boner during a volleyball game.

-- I burst into laughter after he said this. That's all I can say.

Q: What did you think of your teammates? Any of them take supplements?

A: The football players are retarded. The guys in basketball are chill. Volleyball is full of nerds. No one cared in track; I didn't talk to them. Not that I know of, no one took supplements.

-- Hmm, I was in track with him so I'm a little hurt. Then again, he is too cool to sink to my level. The thing that really surprised me was that he said he didn't know of any players taking supplements. I thought that question would spark a very different response.

Q: What do you like most about sports?

A: Competition. I enjoy winning. I hate losing.

-- I couldn't agree more. That's why I, along with many others, love sports.

Q: Will you play in college and why?

A: If I can, because playing college volleyball would be ill.

-- Playing any sport in college would be ill.

Q: What will you miss most about high school athletics?

A: The ability to dominate other people.

-- Back comes cocky Chase.

Q: How have sports made you a better person?

A: I realized my supremacy.

-- Did I mention that he's cocky?

Ladies and Gentlemen, that concludes my interview with the quintessential high school jock. I hope this article has been informative and entertaining.